The Young Constable "The Water Bed"

* a collection of stories and memories, in no particular order, from the life and times of John Clarke, who served as a policeman in the Australian Police Force, a great practical joker, he also had a great affinity with people and wildlife, was a champion swimmer, snooker player, loved golf, still loves fishing and is also an artist. I hope you enjoy his recollections - cheers, karin (his daughter)
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The young constable is one of the Century's innocents.  He has no malice in him.  He goes about his business in a quiet and private way, it's just that life's circumstances and strange and weird incidents have a habit of catching up with him. The young constable's father was amazed when he reached the age of 21, and why this is so, we just don't know except we must think that similar stories to those related here must have been occurring during the YC's  lifetime prior to him reaching his majority. Whenever I'm absent for a time one of the first questions I need answered on my return is whether any further Young Constable stories have occurred in my absence. These are some of the stories about the Young Constable that come to mind.  I have written them down as they are too good to allow them to be forgotten.

John Clarke

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THE WATER BED

The YC was living in Tweed Gardens in a 25 story highrise on the edge of the Tweed-Coolangatta Golf Course.  He was living with two other female police officers, on the eleventh floor of the building which was brand new at the time and quite luxurious.

The YC purchased a beautiful water bed, lugged it up to the 11th floor and rigged it up in his bedroom, got the hose in, connected it up and turned it on full boar.  The instructions said it should be filled in an hour or so, so the YC made his lunch and settled down in front of the TV.

Several hours later, the YC awoke with a terrible feeling that he had forgotten something.  He raced into the bedroom of which most fo the space was taken up by what appeard to be a large hot air balloon.  Water in the bedroom was ankle deep.

The YC immediately began to siphon water our the bedroom window with the hose, but unfortunately the streams of water went through the windows of the units below.  The water on the floor of the bedroom seeped through eleven floors to the basement ruining eleven floors of bedroom carpets.

The YC made the lists on the insurance company's annual report that year and soon after, left Tweed Gardens to the girls.

The Young Constable "The Case of the Tuberculosised Chimpanzee"

* a collection of stories and memories, in no particular order, from the life and times of John Clarke, who served as a policeman in the Australian Police Force, a great practical joker, he also had a great affinity with people and wildlife, was a champion swimmer, snooker player, loved golf, still loves fishing and is also an artist. I hope you enjoy his recollections - cheers, karin (his daughter)
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The young constable is one of the Century's innocents.  He has no malice in him.  He goes about his business in a quiet and private way, it's just that life's circumstances and strange and weird incidents have a habit of catching up with him. The young constable's father was amazed when he reached the age of 21, and why this is so, we just don't know except we must think that similar stories to those related here must have been occurring during the YC's  lifetime prior to him reaching his majority. Whenever I'm absent for a time one of the first questions I need answered on my return is whether any further Young Constable stories have occurred in my absence. These are some of the stories about the Young Constable that come to mind.  I have written them down as they are too good to allow them to be forgotten.

John Clarke

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THE CASE OF THE TUBERCULOSISED CHIMPANZEE

The YC and I were working the day shift at Tweed Heads.  At the time, the Developers in the area had purchased Coolangeatta Zoo for a development (now called The Grove - a poor housing area).

The Zoo owners had a pretty torrid time disposing of all the animals and had sold them to zoos and parks all over Australia and they had come to the point where the developers wanted to move in and start work.  Unfortunately, some animals were still on hand.  A number of these were kangaroos which they fixed up by having a shooting match and buried them all in a big pit which of course hit the headlines.   The next problem they had were a huge husband and wife chimpanzee family who were too vicious for anyone to buy.   So suddenly this story started up that these chimpanzees were suspected of having tuberculosis and therefore had to be destroyed.  Well, after the kangaroo shooting match you can understand that the animal liberationalists weren't too happy about this and we got some calls at the Station that Police should be on hand to ensure that the executions were carried out in a humane manner.

Well, the YC and I rolled up quite prepared to do our duty.  The zoo owners were there.  The vet was there and there were we.  The vet had decided to do the job he would first use an anaesthetic blow pipe to knowck the chimps out and then give them the fatal injection prior to a post mortem to check out the TB side of things.  The veet blew the gun at the female chimp and she began to stagger about before lapsing into sleep, but the male, seeing this, began to beat his chest, bare his teeth, shake the cage bars and generally became completely enraged.

The YC, being the kind animal lover that he is, approached the chimp and spoke words of calm.  The chimp completely misunderstood, hacked and coughed and cleared his throat and with the utmost accuracy let the YC have it in both eyes and face.  The YC staggered back, hands to his face and quite shocked.  Slowly it dawned - a member of the Force had been spat in the face by a tubercolosised chimpanzee.  

Weeks of blood tests and injections ensured but luckily no TB reactions were evident and the YC was given a clean bill of health.  The poor chimp was destroyed and the post mortem revealed no sign of TB.  A convenient way of getting rid of something inconvenient.  So sad 

The Young Constable "The Matter of a Visa"

* a collection of stories and memories, in no particular order, from the life and times of John Clarke, who served as a policeman in the Australian Police Force, a great practical joker, he also had a great affinity with people and wildlife, was a champion swimmer, snooker player, loved golf, still loves fishing and is also an artist. I hope you enjoy his recollections - cheers, karin (his daughter)
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The young constable is one of the Century's innocents.  He has no malice in him.  He goes about his business in a quiet and private way, it's just that life's circumstances and strange and weird incidents have a habit of catching up with him. The young constable's father was amazed when he reached the age of 21, and why this is so, we just don't know except we must think that similar stories to those related here must have been occurring during the YC's  lifetime prior to him reaching his majority. Whenever I'm absent for a time one of the first questions I need answered on my return is whether any further Young Constable stories have occurred in my absence. These are some of the stories about the Young Constable that come to mind.  I have written them down as they are too good to allow them to be forgotten.

John Clarke

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THE MATTER OF A VISA

The YC was looking forward excitedly to his forthcoming trip to Hawaii with his Sergeant mate.  The YC was fairly naive when it came to overseas trips and his travel companion continually contacted him to make sure he had forgotten nothing and that he had packed everything he required for the trip - surfboards, toothbrush, documents, etc.  The YC assured his friend that everything was right and that there would be no problems.

The big day came and the YC duly arrived at Sydney International Airport with Paul and they prepared to board the big Boeing and entered the lineup at the incoming gates.

On arriving at the turnstiles, his travel companion produced his travel papers, his visa, his receipt for travel tax and duly passed through the gates.  The YC was next and handed over his travel folder.  The puzzled attendant went through his passport and said, "Where is your Visa?"  The YC calmly pulled his wallet out and produced his Police Credit Union Visa Card....The attendant had a bit of a story to tell his family that night.

The YC's travelling companion took off for Honolulu with his luggage and the YC's, but unfortuntely the YC remained grounded in Sydney for two more days whilst he made urgent requrests and numerous visits to the American Embassy until he obtained his Visa for travel to Honolulu and two days later he was able to jump the Boeing and eventually arrived in Hawaii.

On arrival at Honolulu Airport he was observed by Customs to be a little strange as most passengers that arrive there do have some form of luggage and he was taken to the little Customs Room, interviewed and strip searched.

We believe that the YC then enjoyed a wonderful holiday once he was united with his travel companion and his luggage.

The Young Constable's "Commendation"

* a collection of stories and memories, in no particular order, from the life and times of John Clarke, who served as a policeman in the Australian Police Force, a great practical joker, he also had a great affinity with people and wildlife, was a champion swimmer, snooker player, loved golf, still loves fishing and is also an artist. I hope you enjoy his recollections - cheers, karin (his daughter)
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The young constable is one of the Century's innocents.  He has no malice in him.  He goes about his business in a quiet and private way, it's just that life's circumstances and strange and weird incidents have a habit of catching up with him. The young constable's father was amazed when he reached the age of 21, and why this is so, we just don't know except we must think that similar stories to those related here must have been occurring during the YC's  lifetime prior to him reaching his majority. Whenever I'm absent for a time one of the first questions I need answered on my return is whether any further Young Constable stories have occurred in my absence. These are some of the stories about the Young Constable that come to mind.  I have written them down as they are too good to allow them to be forgotten.

John Clarke

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THE YOUNG CONSTABLE'S COMMENDATION

The YC was on duty in the station at Kings Cross.  A weirdo came in and wanted to give himself up. The YC told him where to go.  The bloke came back three times and got told each time.

The last time one of the other Police thought he looked familiar and looked across the foyer to the most wanted posters, and yes, you guessed it - here is the bloke featured as MOST WANTED.

The YC and his mate took off up Darlinghurst road, spotted the bloke who had by this time changed his mind about giving himself up and the YC eventually ran him down tackled and arrested him.

The YC was eventually was commended for his brilliant Police work in recognising the wanted man and making the arrest.

The Young Constable "The German Restaurant Debacle"

* a collection of stories and memories, in no particular order, from the life and times of John Clarke, who served as a policeman in the Australian Police Force, a great practical joker, he also had a great affinity with people and wildlife, was a champion swimmer, snooker player, loved golf, still loves fishing and is also an artist. I hope you enjoy his recollections - cheers, karin (his daughter)

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The young constable is one of the Century's innocents.  He has no malice in him.  He goes about his business in a quiet and private way, it's just that life's circumstances and strange and weird incidents have a habit of catching up with him. The young constable's father was amazed when he reached the age of 21, and why this is so, we just don't know except we must think that similar stories to those related here must have been occurring during the YC's  lifetime prior to him reaching his majority. Whenever I'm absent for a time one of the first questions I need answered on my return is whether any further Young Constable stories have occurred in my absence. These are some of the stories about the Young Constable that come to mind.  I have written them down as they are too good to allow them to be forgotten.
John Clarke


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THE GERMAN RESTAURANT DEBACLE


The young constable and his friend were travelling in France.  They were going skiing in the French Alps and were en route in the train. Unfortunately, they both dropped off to sleep and woke up in Germany.


They woke up cold and hungry and got off the train and looked around the small German town til they found the local restaurant.  Well the menu was in German which neither spoke so the YC ran his eyes down the list and spotted "Steake Tartare".  He thought he would be pretty right with this dish as anybody would and pointed to it to the waiter.


It didn't take long as no cooking was involved and the waiter proudly produced the "steake tartare" which is sliced lean raw steak mixed with raw egg.  Well YC didn't take too kindly to this and demanded that it be cooked.  The waiter reported to the chef who thought someone was having a lend of him and came out into the restaurant with his chopper.


Eventually it was sorted out and the YC had a cooked steak. The boys eventually made their way back into France and found the French Alps.

The Young Constable "bagels and tuna"

* a collection of stories and memories, in no particular order, from the life and times of John Clarke, who served as a policeman in the Australian Police Force, a great practical joker, he also had a great affinity with people and wildlife, was a champion swimmer, snooker player, loved golf, still loves fishing and is also an artist. I hope you enjoy his recollections - cheers, karin (his daughter)
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The young constable is one of the Century's innocents.  He has no malice in him.  He goes about his business in a quiet and private way, it's just that life's circumstances and strange and weird incidents have a habit of catching up with him. The young constable's father was amazed when he reached the age of 21, and why this is so, we just don't know except we must think that similar stories to those related here must have been occurring during the YC's  lifetime prior to him reaching his majority. Whenever I'm absent for a time one of the first questions I need answered on my return is whether any further Young Constable stories have occurred in my absence. These are some of the stories about the Young Constable that come to mind.  I have written them down as they are too good to allow them to be forgotten.

John Clarke

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Bagels and Tuna

The young constable had just come back from snow skiing in the USA and was told about a great little shop in Salt Lake City that makes beautiful bagels.

He called in and ordered a ham and cheese bagel and a cuppacino.

when the girl came with the order he noticed a cup of something on the tray next to the bagel.

He asked the girl what it was, thinking it was a side order with the bagel - she told him "a cup of tuna". Wonder what she said to her mates out the back when she took his order to the kitchen!!

PIGS

* a collection of stories and memories, in no particular order, from the life and times of John Clarke, who served as a policeman in the Australian Police Force, a great practical joker, he also had a great affinity with people and wildlife, was a champion swimmer, snooker player, loved golf, still loves fishing and is also an artist. I hope you enjoy his recollections - cheers, karin (his daughter)

In the early 80's, my mate Frank at the local caravan park got onto a pig farmer who was prepared to sell him dressed pigs (for eating) if he could purchase a few.

He contacted me and I checked out the guys at Tweed Heads Police Sation. Eight of us wanted pigs and Frank was duly informed.

The pigs arrived and Frank rang me. We got the Police Truck and went down to the caravan park and loaded the eight pigs into the truck and returned to the Twee Heads Police Station only to find the Superintendent was there doing an inspection.

We had to put an "accident" on the telephone pad and were 'tied up' the rest of the afternoon with our load of pigs until we got a coded radio call when the Super left, then we returned and duly unloaded our cargo.